Tuesday, December 29, 2009
Friday, December 25, 2009
All i did was blink...
Wow! Is it me, or did this year fly by? Last year, during this time, i would have never guessed i would be where i am today. So much has changed in these last 9 months. I found out i was pregnant, i went from being in love to being lost to eventually finding my way, i left NY, i went from having it all to having nothing at all and then realizing i have all i need.
As i was spending quality time with my family today, i realized how much i cant wait to do it all again next year for the first time with my son.
We take so much for granted, and there were some days i thought to myself...Why me? Why now? I can't believe this is happening to me? What did i do to ever deserve this much pain and suffering? You know what got me through it, the thought that it could be worse. STOP FEELING SORRY FOR YOURSELF, BECAUSE IT COULD BE SO MUCH WORSE! Today, i realized how much i have grown from last year to this year. I put so much importance in people and material things that actually weren't that important at all. In the blink of an eye, i grew into a completely different person. I woke up. I evolved.
All of my priorities have changed, and 2010 is going to be a completely different experience for me. I am so excited to see what 2010 has in store. Even though 2009 is one big blur, 2010 begins my memories and my life with my son and for that alone i feel like this is going to be such a positive year. I am so happy to be ending a year filled with so many negative memories and beginning a new one with one of the most positive outlooks i think i have ever had. I know now exactly what i don't want...what qualities i don't want in a man, i know i don't want to ever feel this way again emotionally, and i never want to make someone my priority again, when i was only an "option" in their life.
I'll never be an option again, you know why, because in 2010, I'm beginning the year as the number one person in someones life; my son's.
I'm looking forward to motherhood, I'm looking forward to a new outlook on life, I'm looking forward to starting fresh. I'm looking forward to the idea of falling in love all over again, this time with someone who thinks the world of me. I'm looking forward to life, and what it throws my way. I'm looking forward to turning twenty-five, and graduating school in June. I'm looking forward to starting my new career, making music, being creative, forgiving, and just living life in a more positive manor. I'm looking forward to 2010, are you? What would you like to change, or what have you already changed? Think about this. I know we always have a new years revolution, and often we get caught up and forget all about that thing we promised ourselves we would accomplish. Let's actually make it happen this year, let's turn it all around for the better. I want you all to be excited for 2010, and i want you all to make this one of the best years of your life. I wish you all my love and most of all i wish you all the best in everything you do and try to accomplish. MAY YOU ALL THRIVE THIS YEAR, and may you all smile every step of the way.
X0x0x0x0x0x0x0xx0x0x0x0x0xx0x0xx0x
-Nikki Fresh
As i was spending quality time with my family today, i realized how much i cant wait to do it all again next year for the first time with my son.
We take so much for granted, and there were some days i thought to myself...Why me? Why now? I can't believe this is happening to me? What did i do to ever deserve this much pain and suffering? You know what got me through it, the thought that it could be worse. STOP FEELING SORRY FOR YOURSELF, BECAUSE IT COULD BE SO MUCH WORSE! Today, i realized how much i have grown from last year to this year. I put so much importance in people and material things that actually weren't that important at all. In the blink of an eye, i grew into a completely different person. I woke up. I evolved.
All of my priorities have changed, and 2010 is going to be a completely different experience for me. I am so excited to see what 2010 has in store. Even though 2009 is one big blur, 2010 begins my memories and my life with my son and for that alone i feel like this is going to be such a positive year. I am so happy to be ending a year filled with so many negative memories and beginning a new one with one of the most positive outlooks i think i have ever had. I know now exactly what i don't want...what qualities i don't want in a man, i know i don't want to ever feel this way again emotionally, and i never want to make someone my priority again, when i was only an "option" in their life.
I'll never be an option again, you know why, because in 2010, I'm beginning the year as the number one person in someones life; my son's.
I'm looking forward to motherhood, I'm looking forward to a new outlook on life, I'm looking forward to starting fresh. I'm looking forward to the idea of falling in love all over again, this time with someone who thinks the world of me. I'm looking forward to life, and what it throws my way. I'm looking forward to turning twenty-five, and graduating school in June. I'm looking forward to starting my new career, making music, being creative, forgiving, and just living life in a more positive manor. I'm looking forward to 2010, are you? What would you like to change, or what have you already changed? Think about this. I know we always have a new years revolution, and often we get caught up and forget all about that thing we promised ourselves we would accomplish. Let's actually make it happen this year, let's turn it all around for the better. I want you all to be excited for 2010, and i want you all to make this one of the best years of your life. I wish you all my love and most of all i wish you all the best in everything you do and try to accomplish. MAY YOU ALL THRIVE THIS YEAR, and may you all smile every step of the way.
X0x0x0x0x0x0x0xx0x0x0x0x0xx0x0xx0x
-Nikki Fresh
Music Heals The Soul...
What a "REAL" man does when he loves a woman...R-Les...his new album is crack...
Wednesday, December 23, 2009
Music Heals The Soul...
NEW MARY J JOINT!!!
She stepped out the box with this one...i really dig it...and the beat is fresh.
She stepped out the box with this one...i really dig it...and the beat is fresh.
Monday, December 21, 2009
ANOTHER NIKKI FRESH ORIGINAL!!!!!!
Snippet of "Face in the Crowd"...another one of my songs from my demo...hope you enjoy!!!!!!!
Wednesday, December 16, 2009
I just have to...
...LET IT GO!!!
I love my Mini...
If your not happy, are being treated horribly, stressed beyond belief and constantly in a state of anger...LET IT GOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! IM OVER IT!!!
High 5 Mini babes!!! We got this...
I love my Mini...
If your not happy, are being treated horribly, stressed beyond belief and constantly in a state of anger...LET IT GOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! IM OVER IT!!!
High 5 Mini babes!!! We got this...
Tuesday, December 15, 2009
Perpetual thinker...
...so i ended up in the hospital...again. WHAT ELSE IS NEW. My diagnoses; "perpetual thought".
Apparently, the pressure and contractions i have been feeling lately have been brought on by stress and anxiety. The stress and anxiety has been caused by my inability to NOT dwell mentally on the things that have been going on around me. I can't help it, i care too much; it's a blessing and a curse. While i was at the hospital, i spoke to someone my doctor referred me to, and exposed all of my feelings, unbiased. She told me, everything i was doing and every step i was taking toward healing were the right ones. I don't owe anyone anything, even though my actions lately have been weighing heavily on my conscience. She told me the stress and anxiety are part of the purge. It's almost like when you quit an addiction. You finally have that strength to say "This has got to stop! It just isn't healthy anymore!", but that doesn't mean what follows will be easy to endure. She told me unfortunately I'm trying to find strength within myself during a time when I'm not really "myself". Pregnancy hormones are crazy, and believe me they can make you feel like your GOING crazy. But she did tell me, that after speaking to me, and judging by the short synopsis she gained from our discussion, that even though it was going to be hard, she had complete faith i would be able to pull it off. I have accomplished so much already, and she believes, i will accomplish even more. What i deem to be my weaknesses are actually my STRENGTHS. The fact that certain people took advantage and mistook my kindness for weakness, just exposes how weak THEY are. She told me, in the end, i will overcome and she wished me the best in all of my future endeavours. It felt good to hear this from a complete stranger, even though i have been hearing it from all of you who care about me and have seen me through every tear and every breakdown. Sometimes, you just need to know, what is being told to you is really what is being perceived and not just being said to get you through your day.
I have made it through another day ladies and gentlemen, and I'd be lying if i tried to make you all believe i am the strongest person that ever roamed the earth. This blog is for "TRUTH". I am human, and i will make it through tomorrow, and next week, and next month. I will take it one step at a time because i have to move forward. My son is going to come into this world believing i am a superhero; stronger then Batman, Spider man and the Hulk combined. In his eyes, i will be able to endure it all and protect him from anything. Those are high expectations i must live up to, and i will make sure i am mentally and emotionally strong enough to meet them. I owe that to him because he is my strength and the very reason i have made it this far. MOMMY LOVES YOU AVERY! YOU ARE MY WORLD <3
Apparently, the pressure and contractions i have been feeling lately have been brought on by stress and anxiety. The stress and anxiety has been caused by my inability to NOT dwell mentally on the things that have been going on around me. I can't help it, i care too much; it's a blessing and a curse. While i was at the hospital, i spoke to someone my doctor referred me to, and exposed all of my feelings, unbiased. She told me, everything i was doing and every step i was taking toward healing were the right ones. I don't owe anyone anything, even though my actions lately have been weighing heavily on my conscience. She told me the stress and anxiety are part of the purge. It's almost like when you quit an addiction. You finally have that strength to say "This has got to stop! It just isn't healthy anymore!", but that doesn't mean what follows will be easy to endure. She told me unfortunately I'm trying to find strength within myself during a time when I'm not really "myself". Pregnancy hormones are crazy, and believe me they can make you feel like your GOING crazy. But she did tell me, that after speaking to me, and judging by the short synopsis she gained from our discussion, that even though it was going to be hard, she had complete faith i would be able to pull it off. I have accomplished so much already, and she believes, i will accomplish even more. What i deem to be my weaknesses are actually my STRENGTHS. The fact that certain people took advantage and mistook my kindness for weakness, just exposes how weak THEY are. She told me, in the end, i will overcome and she wished me the best in all of my future endeavours. It felt good to hear this from a complete stranger, even though i have been hearing it from all of you who care about me and have seen me through every tear and every breakdown. Sometimes, you just need to know, what is being told to you is really what is being perceived and not just being said to get you through your day.
I have made it through another day ladies and gentlemen, and I'd be lying if i tried to make you all believe i am the strongest person that ever roamed the earth. This blog is for "TRUTH". I am human, and i will make it through tomorrow, and next week, and next month. I will take it one step at a time because i have to move forward. My son is going to come into this world believing i am a superhero; stronger then Batman, Spider man and the Hulk combined. In his eyes, i will be able to endure it all and protect him from anything. Those are high expectations i must live up to, and i will make sure i am mentally and emotionally strong enough to meet them. I owe that to him because he is my strength and the very reason i have made it this far. MOMMY LOVES YOU AVERY! YOU ARE MY WORLD <3
Sunday, December 13, 2009
Music Heals The Soul...
I've had this song in my iTunes library for almost 2 years now...and i never get sick of it...Lykke Li is the name of the female artist singing and i think her voice is unique yet amazing. Drake...well...you can never go wrong with Drakey...the male vocals on the track belong to him. ENJOY !!!!
Saturday, December 12, 2009
Isn't it funny...
...how when people hurt you beyond measure...and know they are wrong, they would rather ignore, then give in to that uncomfortable guilty feeling. Giving in to that feeling might lead to them actually doing the RIGHT THING, but they would rather continue on the route that brings them self gratification.
Little do they know, that uncomfortable feeling never goes away. It will stick with them for life. That feeling is part of Karma's plan.
It's even funnier, when the tables turn, and now your the one who becomes indifferent, they cant understand why? Instantly, you become the wrong one. Really, am i wrong, or is this just long overdue?
Honestly, i wish i had taken this route a long time ago, and even though it kills me to be this way, it killed me more to love you as much as i did and let you kick me in my teeth repeatedly time and time again.
At the end of the day...I've been harping over what I've lost these past few months, but at the same time, I'm gaining something so much more. I was led to believe that you had this power over me, but in reality, all of the power was really within myself. Literally.
All i have left to say is...THIS IS WHAT YOU CHOSE...EVERYTHING THAT IS HAPPENING NOW IS ALL A RESULT OF YOUR ACTIONS. YOU NEVER GAVE ME A CHANCE TO EVEN HAVE A CHOICE. IT WAS ALL YOUR WAY, OR NO WAY, FROM THE BEGINNING TO THE END. YOU REAP WHAT YOU SEW. I'm sorry you made such poor choices and decisions, and i am sorry you acted on pride and irrationality rather then emotion and love. That is something YOU have to live with now, because i have finally found peace within myself about the whole situation. I'm tired of hurting and i am ready to open up to the happiness around me. I have suffered enough and you knew this day would come. Like i said, you have no one to blame but yourself.
Maybe one day you'll be able to put someone else before yourself. When that day comes, i hope that person appreciates that you are willing to put anything on the line for them, because if they don't, and you are under appreciated, the suffering that follows is unexplainable. I would not wish that kind of pain on anyone, not even you, the one who was responsible for all of mine.
Little do they know, that uncomfortable feeling never goes away. It will stick with them for life. That feeling is part of Karma's plan.
It's even funnier, when the tables turn, and now your the one who becomes indifferent, they cant understand why? Instantly, you become the wrong one. Really, am i wrong, or is this just long overdue?
Honestly, i wish i had taken this route a long time ago, and even though it kills me to be this way, it killed me more to love you as much as i did and let you kick me in my teeth repeatedly time and time again.
At the end of the day...I've been harping over what I've lost these past few months, but at the same time, I'm gaining something so much more. I was led to believe that you had this power over me, but in reality, all of the power was really within myself. Literally.
All i have left to say is...THIS IS WHAT YOU CHOSE...EVERYTHING THAT IS HAPPENING NOW IS ALL A RESULT OF YOUR ACTIONS. YOU NEVER GAVE ME A CHANCE TO EVEN HAVE A CHOICE. IT WAS ALL YOUR WAY, OR NO WAY, FROM THE BEGINNING TO THE END. YOU REAP WHAT YOU SEW. I'm sorry you made such poor choices and decisions, and i am sorry you acted on pride and irrationality rather then emotion and love. That is something YOU have to live with now, because i have finally found peace within myself about the whole situation. I'm tired of hurting and i am ready to open up to the happiness around me. I have suffered enough and you knew this day would come. Like i said, you have no one to blame but yourself.
Maybe one day you'll be able to put someone else before yourself. When that day comes, i hope that person appreciates that you are willing to put anything on the line for them, because if they don't, and you are under appreciated, the suffering that follows is unexplainable. I would not wish that kind of pain on anyone, not even you, the one who was responsible for all of mine.
Friday, December 11, 2009
Thursday, December 10, 2009
I would just like to thank...
...everyone who has been keeping up with my blogs and all the positive feedback i have been receiving. I want to thank those who have been passing on the word about Nikki Fresh. I have strong faith that it is through you that the world will eventually become aware of my music. I am so optimistic about 2010. I have so much to be happy for already; the arrival of my son, a new outlook on life, a strong support group made up of family and friends, i cut all the strings that were holding me down and i have this feeling of accomplishment that no one will ever be able to take away from me. I made no excuses for myself, no matter how hard or impossible it felt, i made it happen. Thank you everyone who didn't let me fall into the abyss, or fade away, or give up.
"Far better is it to dare mighty things, to win glorious triumphs, even though checkered by failure...than to rank with those poor spirits who neither enjoy much nor suffer much, because they live in a gray twilight that knows not victory nor defeat."
- Theodore Roosevelt
"Far better is it to dare mighty things, to win glorious triumphs, even though checkered by failure...than to rank with those poor spirits who neither enjoy much nor suffer much, because they live in a gray twilight that knows not victory nor defeat."
- Theodore Roosevelt
Wednesday, December 9, 2009
You can bring a horse to water...
...but you can't force him to drink.
What an ignorant horse.
My quote for the day.
What an ignorant horse.
My quote for the day.
Monarchy & Christian Siriano 2010 Spring Lines
Monarchy Spring 2010 Runway:
Christian Siriano Spring 2010 Runway (man has he come a long way from Project Runway):
Christian Siriano Spring 2010 Runway (man has he come a long way from Project Runway):
Tuesday, December 8, 2009
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