Perpetual thinker...

...so i ended up in the hospital...again. WHAT ELSE IS NEW. My diagnoses; "perpetual thought".
Apparently, the pressure and contractions i have been feeling lately have been brought on by stress and anxiety. The stress and anxiety has been caused by my inability to NOT dwell mentally on the things that have been going on around me. I can't help it, i care too much; it's a blessing and a curse. While i was at the hospital, i spoke to someone my doctor referred me to, and exposed all of my feelings, unbiased. She told me, everything i was doing and every step i was taking toward healing were the right ones. I don't owe anyone anything, even though my actions lately have been weighing heavily on my conscience. She told me the stress and anxiety are part of the purge. It's almost like when you quit an addiction. You finally have that strength to say "This has got to stop! It just isn't healthy anymore!", but that doesn't mean what follows will be easy to endure. She told me unfortunately I'm trying to find strength within myself during a time when I'm not really "myself". Pregnancy hormones are crazy, and believe me they can make you feel like your GOING crazy. But she did tell me, that after speaking to me, and judging by the short synopsis she gained from our discussion, that even though it was going to be hard, she had complete faith i would be able to pull it off. I have accomplished so much already, and she believes, i will accomplish even more. What i deem to be my weaknesses are actually my STRENGTHS. The fact that certain people took advantage and mistook my kindness for weakness, just exposes how weak THEY are. She told me, in the end, i will overcome and she wished me the best in all of my future endeavours. It felt good to hear this from a complete stranger, even though i have been hearing it from all of you who care about me and have seen me through every tear and every breakdown. Sometimes, you just need to know, what is being told to you is really what is being perceived and not just being said to get you through your day.

I have made it through another day ladies and gentlemen, and I'd be lying if i tried to make you all believe i am the strongest person that ever roamed the earth. This blog is for "TRUTH". I am human, and i will make it through tomorrow, and next week, and next month. I will take it one step at a time because i have to move forward. My son is going to come into this world believing i am a superhero; stronger then Batman, Spider man and the Hulk combined. In his eyes, i will be able to endure it all and protect him from anything. Those are high expectations i must live up to, and i will make sure i am mentally and emotionally strong enough to meet them. I owe that to him because he is my strength and the very reason i have made it this far. MOMMY LOVES YOU AVERY! YOU ARE MY WORLD <3