Wednesday, December 30, 2009

*NEW VIDEO* of me singing "Is this Love" by: Me

The ART on my feet...(i wish!)

Every woman loves shoes. If you are like me and my girls, WE LIVE FOR A BEAUTIFUL PAIR OF HEELS!!! Check out these new 2010 Spring shoe lines from some of my favorite designers...

Ruthie Davis



Hermes



Givenchy



Alexander McQueen <3



Versace



John Galliano

Tuesday, December 29, 2009

Friday, December 25, 2009

All i did was blink...

Wow! Is it me, or did this year fly by? Last year, during this time, i would have never guessed i would be where i am today. So much has changed in these last 9 months. I found out i was pregnant, i went from being in love to being lost to eventually finding my way, i left NY, i went from having it all to having nothing at all and then realizing i have all i need.

As i was spending quality time with my family today, i realized how much i cant wait to do it all again next year for the first time with my son.

We take so much for granted, and there were some days i thought to myself...Why me? Why now? I can't believe this is happening to me? What did i do to ever deserve this much pain and suffering? You know what got me through it, the thought that it could be worse. STOP FEELING SORRY FOR YOURSELF, BECAUSE IT COULD BE SO MUCH WORSE! Today, i realized how much i have grown from last year to this year. I put so much importance in people and material things that actually weren't that important at all. In the blink of an eye, i grew into a completely different person. I woke up. I evolved.

All of my priorities have changed, and 2010 is going to be a completely different experience for me. I am so excited to see what 2010 has in store. Even though 2009 is one big blur, 2010 begins my memories and my life with my son and for that alone i feel like this is going to be such a positive year. I am so happy to be ending a year filled with so many negative memories and beginning a new one with one of the most positive outlooks i think i have ever had. I know now exactly what i don't want...what qualities i don't want in a man, i know i don't want to ever feel this way again emotionally, and i never want to make someone my priority again, when i was only an "option" in their life.

I'll never be an option again, you know why, because in 2010, I'm beginning the year as the number one person in someones life; my son's.

I'm looking forward to motherhood, I'm looking forward to a new outlook on life, I'm looking forward to starting fresh. I'm looking forward to the idea of falling in love all over again, this time with someone who thinks the world of me. I'm looking forward to life, and what it throws my way. I'm looking forward to turning twenty-five, and graduating school in June. I'm looking forward to starting my new career, making music, being creative, forgiving, and just living life in a more positive manor. I'm looking forward to 2010, are you? What would you like to change, or what have you already changed? Think about this. I know we always have a new years revolution, and often we get caught up and forget all about that thing we promised ourselves we would accomplish. Let's actually make it happen this year, let's turn it all around for the better. I want you all to be excited for 2010, and i want you all to make this one of the best years of your life. I wish you all my love and most of all i wish you all the best in everything you do and try to accomplish. MAY YOU ALL THRIVE THIS YEAR, and may you all smile every step of the way.

X0x0x0x0x0x0x0xx0x0x0x0x0xx0x0xx0x

-Nikki Fresh

Music Heals The Soul...

He should have...but he let me down...

Music Heals The Soul...

What a "REAL" man does when he loves a woman...R-Les...his new album is crack...

Music Heals The Soul...

NEW RYAN LESLIE!!!!!! Guardian Angel...I love it...

Wednesday, December 23, 2009

Music Heals The Soul...

Idle Warship...Get on it...if you dont know...now you do...

Music Heals The Soul...

NEW MARY J JOINT!!!
She stepped out the box with this one...i really dig it...and the beat is fresh.

Monday, December 21, 2009

ANOTHER NIKKI FRESH ORIGINAL!!!!!!

Snippet of "Face in the Crowd"...another one of my songs from my demo...hope you enjoy!!!!!!!


Wednesday, December 16, 2009

NIKKI FRESH IS ON YOUTUBE!!! RATE ME!!!

I just have to...

...LET IT GO!!!

I love my Mini...

If your not happy, are being treated horribly, stressed beyond belief and constantly in a state of anger...LET IT GOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! IM OVER IT!!!

High 5 Mini babes!!! We got this...

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

Perpetual thinker...

...so i ended up in the hospital...again. WHAT ELSE IS NEW. My diagnoses; "perpetual thought".
Apparently, the pressure and contractions i have been feeling lately have been brought on by stress and anxiety. The stress and anxiety has been caused by my inability to NOT dwell mentally on the things that have been going on around me. I can't help it, i care too much; it's a blessing and a curse. While i was at the hospital, i spoke to someone my doctor referred me to, and exposed all of my feelings, unbiased. She told me, everything i was doing and every step i was taking toward healing were the right ones. I don't owe anyone anything, even though my actions lately have been weighing heavily on my conscience. She told me the stress and anxiety are part of the purge. It's almost like when you quit an addiction. You finally have that strength to say "This has got to stop! It just isn't healthy anymore!", but that doesn't mean what follows will be easy to endure. She told me unfortunately I'm trying to find strength within myself during a time when I'm not really "myself". Pregnancy hormones are crazy, and believe me they can make you feel like your GOING crazy. But she did tell me, that after speaking to me, and judging by the short synopsis she gained from our discussion, that even though it was going to be hard, she had complete faith i would be able to pull it off. I have accomplished so much already, and she believes, i will accomplish even more. What i deem to be my weaknesses are actually my STRENGTHS. The fact that certain people took advantage and mistook my kindness for weakness, just exposes how weak THEY are. She told me, in the end, i will overcome and she wished me the best in all of my future endeavours. It felt good to hear this from a complete stranger, even though i have been hearing it from all of you who care about me and have seen me through every tear and every breakdown. Sometimes, you just need to know, what is being told to you is really what is being perceived and not just being said to get you through your day.

I have made it through another day ladies and gentlemen, and I'd be lying if i tried to make you all believe i am the strongest person that ever roamed the earth. This blog is for "TRUTH". I am human, and i will make it through tomorrow, and next week, and next month. I will take it one step at a time because i have to move forward. My son is going to come into this world believing i am a superhero; stronger then Batman, Spider man and the Hulk combined. In his eyes, i will be able to endure it all and protect him from anything. Those are high expectations i must live up to, and i will make sure i am mentally and emotionally strong enough to meet them. I owe that to him because he is my strength and the very reason i have made it this far. MOMMY LOVES YOU AVERY! YOU ARE MY WORLD <3

Sunday, December 13, 2009

Music Heals The Soul...

I've had this song in my iTunes library for almost 2 years now...and i never get sick of it...Lykke Li is the name of the female artist singing and i think her voice is unique yet amazing. Drake...well...you can never go wrong with Drakey...the male vocals on the track belong to him. ENJOY !!!!


Saturday, December 12, 2009

Isn't it funny...

...how when people hurt you beyond measure...and know they are wrong, they would rather ignore, then give in to that uncomfortable guilty feeling. Giving in to that feeling might lead to them actually doing the RIGHT THING, but they would rather continue on the route that brings them self gratification.

Little do they know, that uncomfortable feeling never goes away. It will stick with them for life. That feeling is part of Karma's plan.

It's even funnier, when the tables turn, and now your the one who becomes indifferent, they cant understand why? Instantly, you become the wrong one. Really, am i wrong, or is this just long overdue?

Honestly, i wish i had taken this route a long time ago, and even though it kills me to be this way, it killed me more to love you as much as i did and let you kick me in my teeth repeatedly time and time again.

At the end of the day...I've been harping over what I've lost these past few months, but at the same time, I'm gaining something so much more. I was led to believe that you had this power over me, but in reality, all of the power was really within myself. Literally.

All i have left to say is...THIS IS WHAT YOU CHOSE...EVERYTHING THAT IS HAPPENING NOW IS ALL A RESULT OF YOUR ACTIONS. YOU NEVER GAVE ME A CHANCE TO EVEN HAVE A CHOICE. IT WAS ALL YOUR WAY, OR NO WAY, FROM THE BEGINNING TO THE END. YOU REAP WHAT YOU SEW. I'm sorry you made such poor choices and decisions, and i am sorry you acted on pride and irrationality rather then emotion and love. That is something YOU have to live with now, because i have finally found peace within myself about the whole situation. I'm tired of hurting and i am ready to open up to the happiness around me. I have suffered enough and you knew this day would come. Like i said, you have no one to blame but yourself.

Maybe one day you'll be able to put someone else before yourself. When that day comes, i hope that person appreciates that you are willing to put anything on the line for them, because if they don't, and you are under appreciated, the suffering that follows is unexplainable. I would not wish that kind of pain on anyone, not even you, the one who was responsible for all of mine.

Thursday, December 10, 2009

I would just like to thank...

...everyone who has been keeping up with my blogs and all the positive feedback i have been receiving. I want to thank those who have been passing on the word about Nikki Fresh. I have strong faith that it is through you that the world will eventually become aware of my music. I am so optimistic about 2010. I have so much to be happy for already; the arrival of my son, a new outlook on life, a strong support group made up of family and friends, i cut all the strings that were holding me down and i have this feeling of accomplishment that no one will ever be able to take away from me. I made no excuses for myself, no matter how hard or impossible it felt, i made it happen. Thank you everyone who didn't let me fall into the abyss, or fade away, or give up.

"Far better is it to dare mighty things, to win glorious triumphs, even though checkered by failure...than to rank with those poor spirits who neither enjoy much nor suffer much, because they live in a gray twilight that knows not victory nor defeat."
- Theodore Roosevelt

Wednesday, December 9, 2009

Music Heals The Soul...

She did it again...i just cant help myself...

You can bring a horse to water...

...but you can't force him to drink.

What an ignorant horse.

My quote for the day.

Monarchy & Christian Siriano 2010 Spring Lines

Monarchy Spring 2010 Runway:



Christian Siriano Spring 2010 Runway (man has he come a long way from Project Runway):

Monday, December 7, 2009

*NEW VIDEO* of me singing Alicia Keys cover A Capella

Here's something new...recorded myself singing A Capella to "Try Sleeping with a Broken Heart" by: Alicia Keys...
Let me know what you think...again...disregard the pudginess...lol and the funny facial expressions...HA! I crack myself up sometimes :)

*NEW VIDEO* Snippet of me singing...

Here's a snippet of one of the songs I've already recorded for the demo. It's A Capella, hope you guys enjoy...
Disregard the fact i look a little pudgy in the vid...lol...im prego remember. Yikes :x lol




Sunday, December 6, 2009

Talk about spirit fingers...

...John Hart, skilled pianist. I MEAN SKILLED. Watch this YOUTUBE and see for yourself. He's working on some original compositions for me to record to. Im EXCITED...lol Got goosebumps just thinking about it :)

Saturday, December 5, 2009

Let me spare you from making one of the biggest mistakes of your life...

I was originally going to address this blog to just the females, but then it occurred to me that this happens ever so often to guys as well. Please, read, and if i can spare someone else from making one of the biggest mistakes that they will live to regret for the rest of their lives, then i feel my job has been accomplished.

I turned in my car yesterday.
I'm not going to lie, i cried...and cried...and then cried some more. But once i got it all out of my system, i felt empowered. I felt empowered because looking back at everything i have been through in the course of just this one year alone, i can honestly pat myself on the back. I feel like a warrior. I made it through a battle, with a few scratches of course, but overall, i didn't fall apart.

You see, last night i really took the time out to think about why i had to turn the car in, why i feel like I've lost everything, and why i have to now, completely start over from scratch. It's because of "him", it's because of Houdini. He was my biggest gamble, i let so much ride on our relationship. At the end of the day, i lost everything behind a man. You see, i could have spared so much had he been a different person. Let me explain, so you don't think I'm just looking for someone to blame.

When i originally decided to move to PA to be with my mother, Houdini and I were trying to make the best of the situation. He was trying to do the right thing at that time and we agreed the best form of action would be to move to PA together and focus on starting a family. He was to get a job and help me with my monthly expenses and saving for the baby's arrival. It wasn't suppose to be a forever thing, it was only for the remainder of my pregnancy. But like i explained in the blogs before, that wasn't how it happened. At the last minute, he looked for any excuse to not move to PA and do the right thing by the person who had already sacrificed so much for him while we were living in NY. He felt he owed me nothing, and didn't even think twice to move hundreds of miles away with his family. You see, if he had done the right thing from the beginning, everyone would have benefited from the situation, and nothing would have been lost. When he left, my mother sat me down, and told me, not to dwell on what he wasn't doing, but instead take it as a life learned lesson and let the experience mold me into a stronger woman. She promised, that she would do her best to help me with everything i needed and all would be right in the end. So that is how all of my responsibilities and burdens fell upon her. This isn't the only thing i lost behind him, i depleted my savings and also had to give up my apartment in NY, another great accomplishment for someone my age. Houdini is older then i am, but he's never worked towards obtaining anything of value. This is how he lives his life. If you don't have anything, you wont loose anything. He stood to loose nothing in this relationship and i risked it all. As they say, "No use crying over spilled milk". Whats done is done, and now all i can do is move forward.

I came to the conclusion, that i can either dwell on this or do as my mother instructed, become a stronger woman. So this is how i am going to view this situation from here on. I lost everything, yes, but I'm going to look at it as a positive purge. I'm purging all of the negative and suffering and beginning a new life with my son and my family. I'll start over from scratch and because God has blessed me with ambition i know i will gain it all back. Everything i lost, every last bit.

So, friends, if you are in a similar situation, let me warn you now, IT WILL NOT GET BETTER. It will only get worse. How much are you willing to loose? Spare yourself the agony of loss and defeat. Don't ever let another human being have so much power over you. Always remember, YOU DESERVE MORE!

Friday, December 4, 2009

"When you stop stuggling...thats when your music starts to suck..."

Gaga couldn't have said it any better...one of my favorite artists out right now. Between her creative ambition and no shame ways...she's just flippin awesome!!!

"When you become something that is your DESTINY...you have to let the rest go..."

Thursday, December 3, 2009

"Heaven Knows" by Nikki Fresh (Spaceship beat by Kanye West)

Click here to play music

Click the link above to play the song...hope you guys enjoy...you will need something to play the music on such as Real Player or Windows Media Player in order for the music to play.

Let me know what you think!

Relax, take each day at a time...you have the rest of your life to live!

Wow...i cant tell you how many times i hear that in a week. Relax? Yeah im not too sure im familiar with the meaning of that word, considering all the mayhem that has been overloading this little cranium of mine. I hardly find it productive to think "i have the rest of my life to live". Im not one of those people who can sit back and smell the roses and let life just...happen. Im one of those people who has to constantly be doing something. I want to make life happen! I'm so use to being in "control", that i feel so out of place these days, because it seems like i have no control over anything anymore. Sigh. So i'm attempting to come to terms with the fact that maybe, i have to loose everything and let life happen around me, so that when all of my hard work pays off, i'll be able to appreciate the fruits of my labor that much more. Atleast, thats what im telling myself, to keep from falling apart. The reality is, i turn my car in tomorrow and i am secretly freaking out. Call me dramatic, i really could care less, but this is very overwhelming for me.

Anyhoo, now that i have that out of my system, on a more positive note (i dont want to go on anymore about the car situation, i cant handle the pressure right now), my last day for this semester is next Tuesday. OMG! Could it be? Am i nearing the end of studying, tests, and hours of lecture! Why yes i am! I only have two more months of this to go and im done! Well, God willing my son doesnt come before then. Either way, i accomplished a goal and i'll be one step closer to ensuring i can provide solely for my child. So i can sleep easy without that weighing heavily on my noggin.

Something else to add to the positive pile, my demo is comming along very nicely...i think it's going to cause the buzz i need it to. Im just happy i am finally able to get this done, and Lord knows it has not been easy recording and being pregnant, but i have to do what i have to do. Can't wait for you guys to hear it, i want tons of feedback. When it's complete i will be posting some of the songs on this site so...definitly stay tuned for that. OH! I promise im working on the videos and .wav files. Just having some technical difficulties with compressing the files and uploading them onto the site. Soon, very soon, i'll give you guys a taste of something to get excited about.

Last but not least, i just want to thank everyone for all the positive feedback i have been receiving for the blogs and the site. I am happy you guys are actually taking the time out to read what i have to say and appreciate my honesty on the issues i have been addressing. You guys ROCK! Thanks you guys <3

*UPDATE*

I turn my car in tomorrow...and so the sacrifice has been made...I better get my hiking boots ready...sigh* :(

Wednesday, December 2, 2009

Music heals the soul...

For my mom...thanks Dee <3

Wake up call...

I literally had to pry myself out of bed this morning. I couldn't even muster the energy to begin my day. I know when you become a parent, everyone tells you, BE PREPARED TO MAKE SACRIFICES, but i don't think i was prepared for what i experienced last night. So you can have a better understanding of just how overextended i am at the moment, let me break down my daily routine for you. I get up every morning, i go to school from 8am until 1pm, I then rush to my part time job and i remain there from 1:30 until 5 (and i make nowhere near enough money to even pay one of my expenses),and after work on certain days of the week when I'm not utterly exhausted, i go to the studio because i am currently working on completing a demo to distribute to agencies and labels sometime this summer. OH, and i do all of this and I'm just a little over 7 months pregnant. Sigh. And last night was the first time ever, that i felt, all of my efforts were pretty much in vein.

My mother, being the wonderful woman that she is, has picked up my monthly bills and expenses to help me accomplish all of these things during my pregnancy. I hated the idea from the beginning. I'm so use to providing for myself and being independent, and let me tell you, my monthly expenses are not light. I have a car payment, car insurance, phone bill, medical bills, plus baby expenses (this is my first child so I'm doing everything from scratch). So my mom has been juggling all of those expenses i listed along with her own. It's horrible. I wish i could do more, i feel so helpless sometimes. I didn't know how much it was truly affecting her until i walked in on her yesterday evening doing something i have never witnessed her do ever before in her life. I watched helplessly as she cried on the phone to creditors begging them not to repo our cars. I almost died. I know we live in hard economic times, and i know we were somewhat affected by it as well, but i never really knew to what extent.

You see, my mother is a proud woman, and because i am pregnant and stressed enough as it is, she would never tell me she was having problems balancing things out. She didn't want to let me down. I can only hope to be half of the mom my mom is. So, because we live in "the middle of nowhere" central Pennsylvania (i moved to my mom's home when Houdini disappeared and i was almost 3 months pregnant), a car is a necessity. You cant get ANYWHERE, not even to the gas station without a car. This isn't New York where you can walk to the nearest bodega or hop on the bus and train to get around, this is something serious. So, i made a sacrifice, I'm going to give up my car. It was the first item of real value i was able to purchase for myself on my own. It was my first achievement. I got the car brand new in 2005 and have been working hard for the last 4 years to keep and maintain it and now, all of that hard work and responsibility gone, down the drain. But at the end, my mom will get to keep her car, and that's two less expenses she will have to worry about (deduct car insurance as well, wont need it if i don't have a vehicle).

I guess in the end, it's just a material item, not really worth shedding any tears over, but it really meant something to me. But, like they say, when you become a parent, you have to be prepared to make sacrifices. At the end of the day, I'll have less to worry about and I'll be able to focus more of my energy toward providing for my son. When it comes down to it, that's all that really matters right now. I just want to end this blog by saying, MOM, I truly love you, and there is nothing you could ever do that would let me down. You are my inspiration to becoming the BEST MOTHER i could possibly be. Thank you for all you have done and all you will continue to do. I APPRECIATE YOU. I'm just going to remain positive. I know my time is coming soon. A break has to be headed my way for all my efforts and the efforts of those around me who are trying to help me succeed.

Thank you.

Tuesday, December 1, 2009

Music heals the soul...

I will try to post music or videos that best describes my mood for each day. I hope this is something everyone grows to enjoy as they visit and catch up. This video and song best describes my mood for today. I love Alicia Keys, she definitly inspires me musically and is someone i believe who always gets it right. This is her new single:

Where shall i begin...

...for starters...i go by a few names: Mom, Nickole and Nikki Fresh. I am a 24 year old aspiring singer/songwriter with a big dream and an even bigger heart. Let me not forget to mention that i am also 7 months pregnant and anxiously awaiting the arrival of my greatest achievement in life; my son Avery. I chose to begin these blogs to let my stories sing out to the world. Over the past 2 years, i have gone through what feels like a whirlwind of LIFE in a short amount of time. So, i figured, what better way to let out all of my compiled emotions then through words and paragraphs. So lets go back into time...to the summer of 2008. I was a carefree girl, working as a paralegal in midtown Manhattan, living with my best friends parents in New York (the Bronx where i was born and raised) and having the time of my life; single, no worries and oblivious to the world. I wasn't looking to find "Mr.Right" or even date, i was happy mingling and having fun without any attachments. You see, i had just ended an engagement 1 year prior, so i wasn't looking to get tied down again anytime soon, or so i thought.

Have you ever been wandering through life, not paying attention and then all of a sudden BAM! something unexpected happens and throws your whole WORLD out of whack? Well, that's how i describe the day i met "him". Lets give "him" a name for the sake of the blog, lets call him Houdini (if the shoe fits...lol). The best way i can describe my first impression of him is "out of this world". Literally...he was weird but talented, different yet familiar, it was as if in some weird way fate brought us together and introduced me that day to the mirror image of myself. We had all the same dreams and passions, he made me laugh, and best of all he totally understood what made me tick. As a musician, its hard to find people who just get you and your love for music. So...I'm going to fast forward past some of the nitty gritty and get straight to the part where...Houdini and i...we fall in love. That's the beginning of the end to what i saw as stability.

Love is amazing ladies and gents, it's so easy to fall into, but impossible to escape once it has its dirty claws clenched deep within your heart. It's an addiction, and the hardest to kick. At first...i was blissfully happy, but as i got to know him better and he opened up to me more, i began to see this wasn't going to be what i expected. This was not going to be the type of love i was familiar with and knew from my past, this was something else, something brand new i had never experienced before, this...could hurt me. You see, the man i thought i knew began to peel away his layers the deeper we fell. It turned out he was someone completely different; he went from kind to cold, sacrificial to selfish. It was as if our whole relationship was his biggest magic trick. He sure fooled me, and i was nothing more then his muse. Unfortunately, i was so deeply in love, i couldnt see past what i wanted him to be. I was in denial, i didnt want to admit that i had been fooled like so many before me. So, i made the biggest mistake of my life, i settled. I pretended to be happy, when i wasnt, i smiled when i really wanted to scream, i laughed when i felt i could break down crying, i became an emotional mess wondering if that guy, that wonderful guy would ever make an appearance on my stage again. Instead, everyday things got a little more intolerable, and still i couldnt make a break for it...i was hooked. I had become his junky. At this point i was already tolerating his emotional outbursts, harsh words, disapearing acts, his one track mind, his secrets, his lies...you name it...i was experiencing it all. It only got worse 7 months ago, the day i found out, i was pregnant.

At first, he tried his best to be caring and thoughful, but it was only a matter of time before his self centered core kicked in and brought him back to his reality. Caring? Loving? Thoughtful? Nope...those traits turned into scared, irresponsible and too much to deal with. It was too much to handle, to much reality for his 29 year old brain to understand and comprehend. Besides, he had a dream remember, and he wasnt about to give that up or put that on hold for anyone, not even his own son. So he did what he did best, found an excuse, and deserted me when i needed him most to go fulfill his career, his dream, while mine seemed to just fade away slowly. And thats how it all began, my strength, my change in character. For a month i dwelled on "how could he?" or "why would he?". I tried so hard to understand, but i couldnt, because i am one of those people who are incapable of being cold or selfish. I am one of those people, unfortanately, who would help everyone in the world if she could and put a smile on every single person's face. Im the type of person who drops everything when you need me, im also the type of person that so easily forgives and forgets because i have this naive view on life that everyone has it in them to be better if given the chance. Worst of all, i'm the type of person that when i LOVE, i love HARD! So, i never understood why, and i probably never will...but through him i was inspired. Inspired to go back to school, inspired to get a job, inspired to still pursue my dreams as a singer/songwritter and most of all i was inspired to be a better person, a better rolemodel, for my son. Through these blogs i will tell of my adventures, my up and my downs, my loves and my hates, my roadblocks and my achievements. I will be as honest as possible because i feel like life has just begun. I hope you enjoy.