Let me spare you from making one of the biggest mistakes of your life...

I was originally going to address this blog to just the females, but then it occurred to me that this happens ever so often to guys as well. Please, read, and if i can spare someone else from making one of the biggest mistakes that they will live to regret for the rest of their lives, then i feel my job has been accomplished.

I turned in my car yesterday.
I'm not going to lie, i cried...and cried...and then cried some more. But once i got it all out of my system, i felt empowered. I felt empowered because looking back at everything i have been through in the course of just this one year alone, i can honestly pat myself on the back. I feel like a warrior. I made it through a battle, with a few scratches of course, but overall, i didn't fall apart.

You see, last night i really took the time out to think about why i had to turn the car in, why i feel like I've lost everything, and why i have to now, completely start over from scratch. It's because of "him", it's because of Houdini. He was my biggest gamble, i let so much ride on our relationship. At the end of the day, i lost everything behind a man. You see, i could have spared so much had he been a different person. Let me explain, so you don't think I'm just looking for someone to blame.

When i originally decided to move to PA to be with my mother, Houdini and I were trying to make the best of the situation. He was trying to do the right thing at that time and we agreed the best form of action would be to move to PA together and focus on starting a family. He was to get a job and help me with my monthly expenses and saving for the baby's arrival. It wasn't suppose to be a forever thing, it was only for the remainder of my pregnancy. But like i explained in the blogs before, that wasn't how it happened. At the last minute, he looked for any excuse to not move to PA and do the right thing by the person who had already sacrificed so much for him while we were living in NY. He felt he owed me nothing, and didn't even think twice to move hundreds of miles away with his family. You see, if he had done the right thing from the beginning, everyone would have benefited from the situation, and nothing would have been lost. When he left, my mother sat me down, and told me, not to dwell on what he wasn't doing, but instead take it as a life learned lesson and let the experience mold me into a stronger woman. She promised, that she would do her best to help me with everything i needed and all would be right in the end. So that is how all of my responsibilities and burdens fell upon her. This isn't the only thing i lost behind him, i depleted my savings and also had to give up my apartment in NY, another great accomplishment for someone my age. Houdini is older then i am, but he's never worked towards obtaining anything of value. This is how he lives his life. If you don't have anything, you wont loose anything. He stood to loose nothing in this relationship and i risked it all. As they say, "No use crying over spilled milk". Whats done is done, and now all i can do is move forward.

I came to the conclusion, that i can either dwell on this or do as my mother instructed, become a stronger woman. So this is how i am going to view this situation from here on. I lost everything, yes, but I'm going to look at it as a positive purge. I'm purging all of the negative and suffering and beginning a new life with my son and my family. I'll start over from scratch and because God has blessed me with ambition i know i will gain it all back. Everything i lost, every last bit.

So, friends, if you are in a similar situation, let me warn you now, IT WILL NOT GET BETTER. It will only get worse. How much are you willing to loose? Spare yourself the agony of loss and defeat. Don't ever let another human being have so much power over you. Always remember, YOU DESERVE MORE!